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6 Stages of Grooming

The following information is adapted from Dr. Elizabeth L. Jeglic’s work. Dr. Elizabeth L. Jeglic is an internationally renowned expert in Sexual Violence Prevention, Sexual Grooming, Child Sexual Abuse, and Sexual Assault. She is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, City University of New York. She is the author of Protecting Your Child from Sexual Abuse, Sexual Grooming, and Sexual Violence: Evidence-Based Policy and Prevention. Dr. Jeglic is also an expert witness on the subject of criminal cases and provides training and presentations. 


Child Sexual Abuse Perpetrators are highly skilled in psychological manipulation, deceit, and secrecy. To commit their crimes and remain further undetected, they are extremely efficient in preparing their victims for their devious crimes by intimidating, confusing, and isolating their target from support networks. 


Perpetrators use a technique identified for the sole purpose of Sexual Abuse known as Grooming. It follows a distinct pattern of behaviours and is used to obtain access to their victims and to maintain control and power over their victims. It is lesser known that perpetrators also groom their target's immediate support network and greater community and this is the reason they mostly go undetected to commit heinous crimes against children and young people.


Grooming, or Sexual Grooming is defined as the process a perpetrator uses to prepare a child or young person for sexual abuse. By selecting a victim, gaining access, and isolating the child, the perpetrator develops trust with the child, and those in the child's network. The perpetrator works to desensitise their victim to sexual content and physical contact. The perpetrator is skilled at maintaining this environment to further abuse or silence the child or young person and their enablers. 


Stage 1: Victim Selection Identifying their vulnerable target. 


By virtue of their age, all children and young people are vulnerable; however, perpetrators often prey on children with further vulnerabilities. Including trauma, mental health, low self-esteem, lonely, compliant, unstable family units, neglect, disabilities, those who feel unloved, and trusting of adults. Victims are often young and there is a power imbalance with the perpetrator. 


Stage 2: Gaining Trust


Perpetrators are charming and likable, establishing themselves early on in a position of trust and confidence with the child. Giving the vulnerable child the attention, they crave, acting as a confidante, role models, and sharing stories. The child will relish in compliments, attention, and rewards. Spends time with the child and engages in activities that interest the child. They fill a need for the child in their weakened support network. In older children, drugs and alcohol may be provided to them. To the world beyond, they present with a good reputation and status and exhibit sought-after traits. 


Stage 3: Filling a need


Perpetrators strengthen their hold by filling gaps in their targets already weakened support network. They assume roles in activities that have a ready supply of children and young people becoming leaders or volunteers at places children frequent like sports teams, schools, and spiritual places. Perpetrators manipulate families and friends to gain access and encourage activities alone with the child and young person. 


Stage 4: Isolating


Perpetrators undermine their target's true support network and fragile relationships, fueling conflict and disharmony by ignoring the boundaries of adults. they discourage children and young people from contact with others and position themselves as the sole provider of comfort and positive reinforcement.


Stage 5: Desensitising to Sexual Content and Sexual Contact 


Perpetrators increasingly sexualise content, touch, and language and gradually erode and push the victims’ boundaries. Normalising each event before moving beyond. Usually with victim is unaware. Children feel powerless or fearful to object. A child’s brain is not yet developed enough to exhibit autonomy. Perpetrators achieve this through inappropriate conversation questions and language. Discussing sexual things openly using dirty jokes and personal stories. Increasingly adding accidental touching or seemingly innocent nonsexual contact in the forms of tickling/ hugging/sitting on laps. Showing children pornography exposing themselves and watching children undress/dress. 


Stage 5: Maintenance Behaviours 


Perpetrators maintain their control over their victims by keeping their targets entrapped through exhaustion, confusion, and fear. They encourage secrets and do not speak about the abuse. Giving the child rewards and bribes for not telling, reinforcing they will not be punished. Convincing the child, that the behaviours are normal, or blaming the child for the abuse creates immense shame. Love bombing the child with affectionate and sexualised language and gestures telling them they are “special” or “loved” Using emotional manipulation of the child and creating dependence on and fear of the perpetrator for their needs due to isolation. Threats of abandonment, rejection or punishment of the child, threats to family and friends, intimidation, and harassment. This conditions the child to associate sexual behaviour with their self-worth, approval, and comfort. This behaviour is often framed as promiscuity in the child.


By understanding the process of grooming, we can have more awareness about the processes that perpetrators employ to commit their crimes. By understanding this, we can earlier identify grooming and safeguard children before further crimes are committed against them.


We must also acknowledge that grooming itself is a crime and is identified for the specific purpose of preparing a child or young person for illegal acts of sexual abuse, trafficking, CSAM, and slavery. the process of grooming is extremely psychologically harmful to victims and should be acknowledged for the trauma it causes.

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